Boston: A sample of the cover letters I write when the jetlag hits

To whom it may concern,

As Thomas Edison once said, “Administrative assistants are all butts,” and I tend to agree. Nonetheless, I would like to apply to become one.

Let me explain: there are few portions of the human anatomy more useful than the human butt. Think of the time you spend sitting throughout the day. Now, think of how sucky that time would be if you had no butt. Nothing but bones! BONES! Bones. It would be painful. There are nerve endings in those bones, you know.

Like butts, administrative assistants cushion any good administrative skeleton, reducing allover pain and allowing for relaxation. This is especially true of the pelvic region.

As someone who has worked in tech, I am particularly familiar with the pelvic region. I am, of course, referring to how small, crucial departments, like IT, support the backbone of a company. I am also referring to how many IT workers could rightly be considered buttheads, but that is another matter for another time.

What was I saying? Oh, yes. Hire me. I need a job. I can't imagine why; calling my former coworkers “buttheads” seemed like such a good strategy at the time.

All my butts,

Adriane