Helsinki: Quick, pretend I update this regularly

Previously on this blog...

-Cosby Show dreams
-How to develop diabetes in Finland without really trying

More of the latter today, and less of the former. I know that this is sad for all of us, but it's time to let go.

'Twas a truly torrid affair.

I've been in Helsinki for almost a week now, having been run out of Vaasa for being too odd to live (apparently eating half a box of raw Mämmi, a traditional Easter food made primarily of rye malt, molasses, and more molasses, makes you some sort of freak?) (or maybe my language course just ended and I was never actually run out at all, but it makes a better story?). In that time, I have done, to paraphrase the poet Robert Frost, craploads of things before I slept, including some paths less traveled by and some paths that probably lots of people travel by all the time.

Five hours of trains took me to Helsinki, where I immediately started griping about the humidity. Ah, it felt good to be back. Some standard-issue nature was photographed, some food was probably consumed, I saw Scandinavian Music Group in concert, and they were quite good.

HIS GREATNESS CANNOT BE CAPTURED ON FILM.
Or, at least, not by my crappy phone camera. Sad day.

Music times in Finland continued on Monday with Raphael Saadiq (HEARTS IN MY EYES), who is from Oakland and therefore basically grew up a city away from me and performs in the Bay Area all the time, and so maybe it's a bit ridiculous that I saw him for the first time in Finland. Maybe. Regardless, there he was. And I'm going to be shamelessly fangirlish here, but HE TOUCHED MY HAND FROM ONSTAGE GAHHHHH

gah.

It was enough to turn my then-boyfriend from an unenthused bystander to a very, very enthused bystander, so I consider it a success on multiple levels. (Also, Raphael did the final encore without a shirt on. For art. And music. And aesthetics. So many aesthetics.)

Deep in the Caribbean, SUCKAS

Enough. You, the reader, have little enough respect for me as it is. So! The next day, I got married. NO BIG DEAL, you say, PEOPLE GET MARRIED IN FINLAND ALL THE TIME. But we had a Monkey Island-based cake, and so we are the winners. AND WHY WAS I NOT INVITED, you ask, at which point I would urge you to quiet down, because it's late at night here in Helsinki. And also, you were, but you would have had to know where it was, as well as pay for your own plane ticket. Anyway, all the blue food coloring we used may or may not turn certain bodily waste green, so you're welcome (especially for that mental image). And we're all still twitching from the sheer amounts of sugar we consumed, so you're also welcome re: your health being that much more intact.

Post-cake, we spent three nights at the very fancy, Kalevala-themed Klaus K. hotel, where we had free breakfast every day and blew at least one fuse. SO WHAT, you say, ignoring my request that you quiet down, PEOPLE GO ON HONEYMOONS ALL THE TIME, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE THE COUNTRY IN WHICH YOU WERE MARRIED.

Ah, my apologies! Did I not mention that our breakfast took place one table over from Finnish actress Pihla Viitala, with whom I am more than slightly infatuated? I suppose I would have, had you not been yelling so much, but no matter. We will move on to pictures, if you will stop yelling.

The Sibelius monument from underneath looks like the inverse of the Death Star explosion or something.

The sad part is that my feet are actually more tan than usual.

My first thought when I stepped into our hotel room was about whether or not the bathrooms were any good. Jennifer, if you're reading this, I hope you realize what an impact you've had on me.

Suomenlinna: where a drunk guy told me I sounded like I was from Eastern Finland, and also that he loved all people everywhere.

Temppeliaukio: it's over behind the tourist buses.

Hesburger is for those of us who are too ashamed of our tourist status to go to McDonald's. (Alt: That time the Imperials ambushed me at Hesburger.)

Helsinki: Dear dream journal,

I had a dream last night that I was the maid of honor at Denise Huxtable's wedding. This does not at all fit into established The Cosby Show continuity, which deeply upsets me.

Also in attendance at Denise Huxtable's wedding (maybe it was Vanessa's, in which case nothing about the dream particularly contradicts the canonical storyline) were a bunch of adorable children dressed up in silly outfits, at which point it was revealed that the theme of the wedding was The Lollipop Guild.

Also, I'm back in Helsinki, ttyl

Helsinki: Jetlag, day 3

I hate it when all my clothes fly out the window at once.

Helsinki is pretty awesome. I know, because I was there.

I have learned quickly, however, that my body is not so sure about this whole traveling thing. My jetlag is finally starting to clear up, but my left eyelid is a little swollen and my digestion is a little... impaired, but whatever, who needs food? Cholera is totally cool because you can get it in Oregon Trail, and Helsinki is totally cool because you don't get mugged all the time. And all the buildings are tall and the streets are narrow and huzzah, you're in Europe!

(Also, all the seagulls sound like siamangs. As someone who has lived very close to both the beach and the zoo in San Francisco, I feel that I have the authority to make this claim.)

Wild. Berry. Fanta.

The important thing is that I had a pink doughnut and it was filled with jam. Also, Fanta in a flavor that doesn't exist in the United States, booya.

Basically, I eat a lot. This should come as news to no one.

Tomorrow, I leave for my language course in scenic, coastal Vaasa. It's got almost twice the land area of San Francisco and about a thirteenth of the population. I expect I'll still manage to get lost.

Helsinki: Blurhgdfjkhasdlfhfkjgjhjkd

Just bullet points, because I'm too tired to be interesting:

Do they still make these? I want like fifty

• oh my gosh, jetlag.
• I dreamed that I made a sandwich with cheese, mozzarella sticks, pasta, pasta sauce, and more cheese, and it was better than Denny's, probably.
• that had nothing to do with Helsinki.
• there are lots of trees here.
• it seems like a pretty awesome place, but I've been asleep for something like 13/19 hours that I've been here, so I'll get back to you. WITH PICTURES.